So another 19th of November has come and gone. Each year I look back at the previous year and try and see how far I've come. This year it seems I've taken a step back rather than a step forward.

I guess it's because I had close friends by and I was in a warm, happy place in my life. This year, not so much. Last year I also was able to play a song (on his guitar), bring in pictures and sing a song that reminded me of the way I feel when I think of him. This year I just didn't have an outlet I guess.

I wish that people could see how much he means to me. I know the family that was around when we were together knows, but other people just don't. I tell them, "My Uncle Jimmy passed away 3 years ago today". I feel people just think "Oh, it's just her uncle.." He was not JUST an uncle. Him and I shared one of the most unique and special relationships. I think back and realize, it was the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced in my life. And for people to try and minimize the situation by thinking "it's just her uncle" is just the most painful thing..

I wish I could take all of my favourite memories of him and I and put them into a film and show the world. They are such simple memories too. Memories of him and I colouring, reading Green Eggs and Ham a billion times, walking in the woods to the fort, waking him up early in the morning because I couldn't wait to play with him.. They're all simple, but they were the most happiest moments in my life.

Now, to have that all ripped away from me, and so suddenly, with everything else all piled onto me at once, I really can't handle it sometimes.

We had something that I hope every person gets to experience. He was patient, loving and listened to everything I had to say, silly or serious. There are no words to describe how much I love him. I don't know if I have ever felt love that pure with anyone else.

These memories I have of him I will cherish for the rest of my life.

I hope you're listening Uncle Jimmy. Wherever I am you'll always be more than just a memory. I still love and miss you so very much. I hope the view from heaven beats the hell out of mine here.